My doctor has told me in the past to stay off webmd.com. Simply because I try to diagnose myself and of course more oft than not, I am completely wrong. Here are my past incorrect diagnosis’: (WHAT is the plural of diagnosis? Diagnoses, diagnosises??)

• Lock Jaw
• Stroke
• Heart Attack
• Fractured Foot
• Pneumonia
• Diabetes
• Brain tumor

Now, mind you this has been over the past ten years or so - NO I am NOT a hypochondriac. I just get these weird symptoms sometimes that are truly nothing at all to worry about until I go to … (drum roll) THE SYMPTOM CHECKER. For God’s sake, have you ever checked symptoms on there? I am POSITIVE I am not the only one who misdiagnosed herself with something major after being on there. Hence – the doctor’s statement “Catrina. DO NOT go on webmd.com EVER again.” Or something to that effect.

But I often wonder if one particular diagnosis was correct. I worry, truly worry, that I suffer from clinical depression. Sometimes I get in these moods that I just can’t get out of. I know, everyone gets down and I know, everyone has problems – most of them a lot worse than my problems. I’ve heard it all and it makes me all the more depressed. Is that why 80% of American people today are on some sort of anti-depressant? Is that why the CDC says anti-depressants are the most commonly prescribed medication? There’s a book out there called “Artificial Unhappiness: The Dark Side of the New Happy Class” by Dr. Dworkin or something like that. In it, he says “Too many people take drugs when they really need to be making changes in their lives." I don’t want to be on an anti-depressant and I don’t want to be a statistic. Is it a inherited? Is it a chemical imbalance? Am I just friggin’ sad?

I do know of some changes I need to make. I need to get back with God. And I honestly believe that right there is the sole (soul) problem. I think there really are people that suffer from chemical imbalances that need the prescriptions, etc. but I also think, after thinking it through-typing it out really-that I am not one of them. God needs to be first in my life again. I have much that has drifted in front of Him, some knowingly and some unknowingly. I need to remember this whole thing about life - it is not about ME. I was reading a book yesterday and one statement in particular jumped out at me so much that for the first time in a very long time, I reached for a highlighter along with a pen and paper so I could remember it, write it down and dwell on it.

“For only if we let Him in, can He pull us out”.

Out of the muck and mire of our world. Out of the depths of despair that sometimes overtake us because we live in a fallen world that is completely selfish, imperfect and all about self self self and why self isn’t getting what self deserves. Looking at it that why, no wonder 80% of the population needs an outside resource to be seen as happy and well adjusted! If self got what self REALLY deserves according the Bible, self would be rotting in The Sulfur Pit also knows as H-E-double hockey sticks.

Wow. And try to make a smile list after that. HA

1. Enlightenment. It’s good to know I’m not suffering from clinical depression.
2. Cucumbers. My pastor gave me a HUGE bag of cucumbers and I’ve nearly made myself sick.
3. My brother. I haven’t talked to him in a few days but I think I’ve said it before. He’s the kind of guy I need in my life when I need to hear the truth. It’s not always what I want to hear. Not some trumped up, nerve-soothing speech but the honest truth, which sometimes I really do not WANT to hear but NEED to. Example “Catrina – no wonder you feel like your life is screwed up right now, IT IS! Get back to God where you belong!”
4. Weather. Again, it’s beautiful.
5. Hope. ‘Nuf said.

I leave you with another highlighted portion of my book…

His will, or yours?