To continue with my quotes, (mainly because I haven’t uploaded the great photo I want on here for Wordless Wednesday) I will add my most very favorite quote. Ever. Maybe because it sums up so nicely the way I feel most days.

"What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am." -Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Also, I made an award. And yes, I know my drawings are quite kindergarten, but the thought is what counts right?

So here it is – for however the recipients wish to post it.

To Stef and Bebe,

Someone asked me once if I had any friends to share
All my secrets, my joys and my grief
I explained I had all a girl could want
I have my sisters and they are all I need
~Catrina (aka Babe)

So…it’s been awhile. I find it really hard to post a blog when I’m down. I sometimes feel compelled to make an entry (hence my last one) but I’d prefer to wait until I feel better in my head and heart. I’m not sure why, maybe it would make me feel better if I just blogged through it. Or maybe I would just prefer to muddle through it in my own way by myself. Who knows – I’m just weird.

A lot has happened in the last week. A lot that really makes one look at the big picture and realize what is important. Robbie’s boss shot and killed himself last Friday. Very, very sad. Rob took it pretty hard, I think. More than he let on. I feel bad for the guy’s family and what he left behind. Two daughters and a wife. Many friends. I never got to meet him but it makes me so sad to think about it. Do they wonder if they could’ve helped him in any way? Do they wonder if they could’ve stopped it? What pushed him to that point? Did he not feel loved anymore? He brought tomatoes to Robbie on Wednesday because he knew I love tomatoes. I had a really hard time eating those tomatoes.

Anyway – a few weeks back Elizabeth anointed me with a blog award – an “I love you this much” Award. No, E – I didn’t forget. I’ve just been contemplating how to handle the fact that I only know three bloggy people. And the truth of the matter is, they all would deserve an “I love you this much” Award from me. And I know of a few others that would deserve it from me but do not keep a blog. Therefore, I – once again – am breaking the rules of the blogdom empire and I’m giving my awards to those I truly love, but not all have blogs.

First – Stef. My big sister. I love her truly. I feel over the last several years we’ve gotten closer than we’ve ever been and for that, I am truly grateful. Stef, you can post your award on your blog!

Second – Bebe. My other big sister. I love her truly, also. We finish each other’s sentences and think very much alike.

Third – Randy. My big brother. I love him truly, as well. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Randy will someday make his impact in this world and it will be huge!

I love all three of my siblings without boundaries. There are no words to express the sheer perpetuity of the love I have or how loved I feel from all three and it keeps me going. I love them all equally but differently, for they are all very different people.

Fourth – My parents. They have been the biggest blessing in my life that I can name. My biggest fans, my champions and my support system. They are the reason that Stef, Bebe, Randy and I are the people we are – which in my personal opinion – we are pretty awesome people. And there is no one else in this world that I would rather spend time with than my mom, my dad or my siblings.

Fifth – My husband. One of the most understanding, patient and kind people I have ever known. How he can put up with me some days, I have no idea. But he does, and he loves me. I have never been more secure in someone’s love (besides God of course) that wasn’t blood related to me. I truly, truly thank God for him every single day. Except those days when I want to pull off my shoe and throw it at him, but that would not be his fault. That would be me and my bad mood and I know that. Well, maybe sometimes it’s his fault, but rarely.

Sixth – and this is a grouping together – My friends. I have four friends whom I feel are TRUE friends. Friends that I can tell most anything to. Friends that, if need be, besides my sisters, I could call in the middle of the night with a terrible problem and they would do one of three things. A. Cry with me. B. Drive to me and hug me. C. Listen. Truly listen. None would be mad for me calling in the wee hours, none would hang up and all would be compassionate. Friends that know if they need to call me in the wee hours, they can. And I would do A, B o C or all three. Friends that rather than me calling them to bail me out of jail, they would be sitting next to me saying - dang, that was fun! They are Chris, Carrie, Elizabeth and Susan.

How very blessed I am.

So here it is! The I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH AWARD!!!

I love to make people laugh. I think it’s just ingrained in me to give people a reason to guffaw, chuckle, chortle, rofl, or lmao. I am also one of those people who – no matter how very hard I try not to – I DO care what other people think and the highest compliments someone can give me is: a.) I think you are so smart! Or b.) I think you are so funny! So for my sister to comment and say she had tears rolling down her cheeks laughing because of my last blog – I was extremely flattered! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much, keep it coming!

We are off to the Valley this weekend. I am planning on getting LOTS of photos so Wordless Wednesday next week may be quite picturesque. At least I’m hoping it will. I’m just happy to be getting THE HECK OUT OF HERE for a while. Yes, I was yelling that part.

So – my smiles and I leave you until Tuesday.

My son. He is learning to do laundry and he actually LIKES it !?!?
Making people laugh. Explanation above.
A good book. I’m reading a good one now! I’ll probably add a great book list to the side margin – this will definitely be included.
Thursday after weigh-in. Yep, I was up. Nope, I’m not all that upset because I wasn’t up all that much and I blew it big this week. But I’ve decided – the Thursday after weigh-in is cheat night. I can eat anything I want and not feel guilty. Of course, last night it was (yes I know it sounds gross) pizza, tater tots and spaghetti! MMmmm I could feel the carbs hit my thighs.
Sabrina. During weigh in we got these sample little Weight Watcher bars. I was really really hungry because of course I hadn’t eaten hardly anything all day because of the dreaded weigh in so when I got in my car to leave, I opened it and ate it immediately and then felt guilty and then didn’t because it was, after all, Thursday Night Cheat Night. And then I though of Bebe – my thoughts went something like this “SHE probably still has her little fruit bar. SHE probably will wait until after a sensible dinner or maybe have it as a bedtime snack. SHE probably won’t eat hers so fast that she has a hard time swallowing because she shoved nearly the whole thing in her mouth. I wonder if SHE will think it tasted kinda like cardboard with fruit bits pushed down into it.” So just a little bit later, SHE calls:

Bebe: Babe, did you eat your fruit bar yet? (Thought: Great, she’s going to hold me accountable and I cannot lie to her)
Babe: YEP. Surrre did!
Bebe: Me too, it was gone by the time I made it to Highway N.
Babe: At least you made it that far. Mine was gone before I pulled out of the parking lot.

I have been advised to keep my blog happy and funny instead of maudlin and intense. In response to said recommendation, it will depend upon my mood as to if a funny and happy blog is recorded. As we’ve already established, my mood is not always chipper and positive. But I’m working on it. I really am.

I have been banned from going to a few places close to work during lunchtime because if I frequent these preferred merchandisers during my half-hour of midday freedom, I am always late. Always. So I have to go after work. Yesterday, it was The Goodwiller. Go with me here – you’ll understand the -er in a moment. That’s the funny part. I sometimes shop at the Goodwiller since the kids grow out of pants in an hour. And for this reason, I also refuse to spend a ton of money on jeans. I can save a lot of money and buy gently used brand name stuff and the most expensive piece of clothing I bought was $6 and it was for Ambercrombie pants. Ta Da!

The Goodwiller is also full of other good stuff and I love to just roam around, look at all the junk (ahem) good stuff. Sometimes they have really good stuff and it’s new! Store tags on still!!

So yesterday, I am just meandering up and down the aisles and I’m thinking to myself, I love the Goodwiller. And that got me thinking. Why do I call it Goodwiller? I think it is my mom’s fault. So I called my mom. Here’s the conversation. Keep in mind this is over the “loud speaker” while my dad is in the background talking on his cellphone on his “loud speaker” and my sister is there texting me dirty messages that really come out not dirty because her predictive text changes dirty words to clean words. FYI: Sabrina is Bebe. I (Catrina) am Babe.

Bebe: BABE. Where are you? Are you coming over to moms?
Babe: No I’m not coming over to moms, I was at the Goodwiller and I am on my way home now.
Bebe: Didn’t you get my message?
Babe: What message? Did you text?
Bebe: No, I sent you an e-mail.
Babe: What time?
Bebe: Hell-O. 4:30!
Babe: I didn’t get it.
Bebe: Maybe you should get your e-mail more often.
Babe: I got it as I was leaving at FIVE and there were not ANY messages from you.
Bebe: I got Outlook now. Why do all your e-mails ask for a read receipt?
Babe: I have it set up that way.
More conversation on the read receipt and why I have it set up that way and why do I even bother when the reader can say NO.
Bebe (to Aunt Emma on dad’s cell phone): Hi Aunt Emma.
Aunt Emma: HI Sabrina
Babe (to Aunt Emma on dad’s cell phone): Hi Aunt Emma.
Aunt Emma: WHAT?
Dad: That was Catrina, she says Hi.
Aunt Emma: OH HI Catrina.
Babe: How are you?
Silence.
Silence.
Babe: Hello?
Babe: Hello?
End Call

TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM BEBE CELL: DITCH.
TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM MOM CELL: 636577****
TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM MOM CELL: Citch bunt. (Obviously penned by Bebe)

Ring Ring:
Bebe: Why did you hang up on me?
Babe: I didn’t hang up on YOU. I hung up after I couldn’t hear anything
Bebe: Did you get my text message?
Babe: Yes I did. You can go ‘sips’ up a rope.
Bebe: Did you get moms text message?
Babe: Yep, She’s going to make me a bunt cake.
Bebe (to mom) NOW she thinks you’re going to make her a bunt cake.
Mom: I don’t even know HOW to text. That wasn’t from me.
Bebe: So where are you?
Babe: I was at the Goodwiller.
Bebe: Why were you at the Goodwill?
Babe: Buying jeans for Lizzie and Sam.
Bebe: Hopefully it wasn’t any of the pants I just gave to Goodwill.
Babe: Me too. Why do we call it the Goodwiller? Who started that?
Bebe: I don’t call it the Goodwiller.
Mom: I don’t remember. I think it was Sam. NO wait, it was Lizzie. NO wait! It was you [Babe] that started it. I overheard you one day talking to John (our old dog) who was being bad or something (probably crapped in the family room again) and you told him if he wasn’t good, mom was going to give him to the Goodwiller.

Conversation went on from there. I think there was more conversation within this dialog, but the gist of the entire thing – it took me two phone calls (actually three because Bebe hung up on me trying to get me on the speaker phone), three texts and about 15 minutes to get the answer to my question.

SMILES:

Anticipation of the LONG weekend!
Photos.
Family.
Good days.
Tater tots.

I have a smile list and then some...

First of all, my smile list from the weekend. I'll keep it to five but I'm sure there were more.

1. Hanging out with good friends. There's really nothing like just being with a friend who knows almost everything about you. Chris and I share alot of history and I loved just getting to hang out.
2. New Shoes! Chris' mom, who thinks of me as a third daughter, had to buy new tennis shoes for a surgery on her toe but never wore them and didn't want to keep them so she gave them to me! I think that's kind of like enabling someone/codependency/feeding a fetish but hey, FREE SHOES! HELLO!
3. A fixed speedometer. While we were in Springfield, my mom and dad's neighbor fixed my instrument panel for me and now I have a working speedometer. I was driving to work this morning, doing just a bit over the speed limit and cannot believe how unbelievably slow I felt like I was driving. I DO NOT even want to know how fast I was driving pre-speedometer fix. I'm glad it's working.
4. My family. I'm adding this smile today because I actually read my comments yesterday via my cell phone. I have two of the greatest sisters that God ever invented. Isn't it funny how our families are just what we need when we need them to be? I have a poem hanging on my wall that starts off "Sister - God knew that I would need you...." and how true. He knew what He was doing when He gave me Stephanie and Sabrina. And He knew I would need Randy too. Randy's the guy I can call at any time and he'll tell me straight what I need to hear wether I want to hear it or not. And yes, that is a good thing.
5. My mom and dad. Reading Bebe's smile list about my mom and dad sitting in the heat, drinking a beer together and being happy made me smile, because I can picture them too. They are so cute. And we -as in my siblings and I- really are who we are because of them.

Elizabeth posted a blog about "Have You" and it's a list of things you either have or haven't done and I am supposed to post it with the things I've done highlighted. I would also like to ask anybody who reads this to make their "Have You" list, too. Maybe Bebe should just get herself a blog. Stef has one - she should update it with the Have You list. So just copy and paste this list in your blog, and bold the things that you have done. Here's my list:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten tipsy on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse of both the sun and moon
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had/Have amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted a river
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge – I HAD THE CHANCE, CHICKENED OUT!
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept 30 hours in a 48 hour time frame
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read “The Iliad”
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

There you are. My have you's.

Happy Birthday, Jess.

I’ve decided to try to make a list everyday (well I'll try for everyday but don't scoff if I don't make it) of the five things that made me happy/smile from the day before. That way I can focus on the happy things and not the things that make me sad! So here’s my first list.

1. The kids are in North Carolina again visiting Grandma and Poppy. They love it there and get to do all sorts of fun things. Sam’s voice is changing and he sounds like a man these days. A few days ago he called me at work and said “HI MOM” and it sounded really low. I tried to imitate him and tell him how he sounded – in my fake-not-really-even-close baritone voice. I called to see how they were doing in NC on my way home from work yesterday and when Sam answered he said “HI MOM” in his imitation of my imitation-fake-not-really-even-close baritone. Very cute. And it made me smile.
2. The people that were rehabbing the house next door suddenly moved out and stopped all progress. They are not the owners of the home but were rehabbing for the owner and there was a fight or something so they moved out. NO – that is not what made me happy. What DID make me happy is that they planted tomato plants this past spring on the side of the house right next to our house and as they were leaving, the guy said “Help yourself to the tomatoes!” but before he left, he took all the ripe ones off so I’ve been waiting. Wallah! Yesterday – SEVEN!!! YAY! HUGE SMILE!
3. Our new puppy Zeus is not a very good listener. He’s learning though and that’s a good thing, but he’s still a puppy inside and doesn’t like to do what he’s told. Normally after he’s done eating it takes a bit of yelling and shoving to get him back off the deck so we can close the gate. Yesterday, I just pointed and said firmly “OUT” – and he did it. Good boy! And I smiled.
4. Robbie has been working overtime. He is now scheduled to work 12-16 hour days until Friday. Which, granted, I hate not getting to spend the time together, but it will help us financially and that’s what makes me smile. Actually – my husband in general makes me smile.
5. So. Since Robbie is working late and since the kids are in North Carolina, I actually had a little time to myself yesterday to just be. I made my dinner, grabbed a lemonade and sat in front of the TV to watch a movie. Granted I probably should’ve been exercising or doing something more productive but that smile came in the form of a little down time.

I did have a sixth thing yesterday so I'll add a side bar here. Encouraging, positive e-mails from Bebe. It's nice to know I'm loved like that. Right back at ya Bebe. I hope you know that you are loved like that, too.

I think I’m finally getting back on the right track with God. He and I have had a lot of sorting and fixing. Well, obviously He doesn’t need to be fixed, but I do. And we’re finally working it out. And when you’re off track, even in the slightest bit, it makes the rest of your world seem off kilter. So here I am Lord – ready to get back in the saddle.

And what’s cool so far today – I’m already seeing moments as “smile moments” for tomorrow’s update. Don’t worry folks – I’m on it!

So I use my blog mostly for just getting my thoughts out there for myself but also to anyone who by happenstance stumbles upon my pages. Or for my mother or my sister or my uncle. I really didn't think anyone else paid much attention. And I don't know all things blog-worthy but apparently I've been TAGGED. My friend Elizabeth recently started blogging and I think she has more posts in a month than I've put on here since 2004. Way to show me up there, E. Anyway, so before I get to the tagging, I guess I better update my stuff.

On Tuesday, April 15th, my mom fell and broke her leg in 3 places. We thought she was going to get to go home within a day or two, but that was before we realized the extent of the problem. After a 2 hours surgery, the doctor came out to talk to us. He had put in 6 pins/screws and a plate on one side and 2 pins/screws one the other. She also completely dislocated the foot so the tendons were pretty well torn up. She was in the hospital until that Friday, April 18th where she was moved to an Extended Care Facility with extensive rehab and therapy. She finally got to come home yesterday but not without some pretty big restrictions and alterations to her home life. A lift was put in off the back deck since she has a split foyer home, she has a bedside commode, a hospital bed and a walker in the living room along with a wheelchair. She won't be able to put any weight on her foot for another five weeks while the bones grow around the pins and plate. On top of this, we found out she is osteoporitic so she has to be even more careful. She just got done with Radiation therapy for her breast cancer and know this. Sheesh. [REMOVED]

And through this whole ordeal I think I've grown so very much closer to my sister Sabrina. Bebe - this is for you. In the last two weeks I've learned alot about you and feel we are closer now than we ever have been. Your compassion and your generousity to those around you is amazing - although I knew that part already. Your self-sacrificing for your family is something I try to mimic but I fear fall way short. And you were right when you said we never fought growing up. Have we ever at all? I love our competitive banter - to others I think it appears we are arguing or getting "catty" but we truly aren't. I think that's just another way we say we love each other. You see things in people and in the world that I don't always see and I think because of your giving nature, people open up to you and feel they can befriend you and have a completely unconditional friendship - and they are right. But you are also able to say what needs to be said when it needs to be said and I admire you for that. You know (and I quote, again) - "It is NOT our fault that she is mad at you!" That was a great day for me because I realized then that she is still there. You know, that little girl inside wondering if I'll ever make it to never-never land that still wants so very much to be like her big sister. ILYVM.

So now - I've been tagged. I have no idea what that means but here's what I'm supposed to do (and yes, I copied and pasted this right from your blog Elizabeth)

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up. (That means when I finish this post, I'm supposed to let Eliabeth know by making a comment on her blog, so she knows to come read mine.)

First - her link is on the left column.
Second - I think I already did the rules above???
Third - Six Random Things About Me. Mine aren't going to be quite as long and desciptive as my friend's Elizabeth are but hey, I'm trying to maintain a good work ethic here, too.
1. I would love to travel to Rome, Italy. I watched that movie, Under The Tuscan Sun once with Diane Lane - had to buy it and watched it alot since then. I think if it were just me, no kids or anything, I would so buy a villa!
2. I worked at Papa Johns once for four hours. That's how long I lasted. I made it through Kentucky Fried Chicken for four days. My current job of almost 10 years is the one I wish would be put out of it's misery but not before I find a newer better version!
3. I have many friends but few I trust implicitly. I think I probably have three people that know almost everyting about me - Robbie, Chris and Bebe.
4. My pet peeves are: slow drivers in the fast lane, women who put on their make-up in the car in the rearview mirror (or the guys who shave with their electric shavers), people who act like they know something when they really don't, bullies, cheats, liars and thieves.
5. I don't do malls. I HATE shopping. Well, maybe I like it when I get to hang out with Bebe but other than that, NOT.
6. There is no kind of music I dislike. Although I tease my husband and pretend his showtunes gag me, I secretly like them. And if you tell him that, I'll beat you up.

And now, I'm supposed to tag someone with a blog but I don't know anyone outside of my Aunts whom I know will not be compliant, and Elizabeth, who tagged me. How about I list the people I wish had a blog that I could tag?!
1. Bebe - yep, you all knew that one was coming.
2. Mom
3. Uncle Walter

So there ya go, a long overdue blog. I wish I had something as compelling as the goose story. I'll try better next time. Pray for my mom.