Some time ago I was struggling pretty hard with some issues going on in my life. I know, I know, typical of me, eh? Anyway, my usual modus operandi was to continue to struggle in my own power and just muddle through the best I could. But that wasn’t working. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and I just didn’t think I had it in me to continue. I felt I was about to break – body, mind, soul and spirit. I was on my way to work and I felt like turning my car around and going home to hide under the covers. Either that or just turning it into a ditch. So I started to pray. Hard. I knew the only thing that could bring me through this was God, but I was having a hard time praying because I just felt so completely lost. So over and over in my head I just said “God, I do not have the strength to do this anymore.” And there, right in front of me, was a dump truck. Yes, the kind you see on the roads every day carrying their big loads of stuff. And written on the back in large letters, it said, “ The Lord is Our Strength”. Instantaneously, my tears dried, my heart lifted and I have never felt the presence of God more than in that moment. And since then, I will occasionally see “my” dump truck on the road and the amazing part is, it’s usually when I need to be reminded that God’s got my back. I bring this up because I saw “my” dump truck again this morning and following along behind it, I snapped a photo of it with my cell phone. It's not a great picture, but in times of trouble - this is my reminder. If ever the owner of this dump truck were to know what an inspiration and lifesaver his dump truck has been...

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. ~Psalm 28:7
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~Philippians 4:13

Isn't it comforting to know that God loves us and is our strength through the fire...

I’ve decided to try to make a list everyday (well I'll try for everyday but don't scoff if I don't make it) of the five things that made me happy/smile from the day before. That way I can focus on the happy things and not the things that make me sad! So here’s my first list.

1. The kids are in North Carolina again visiting Grandma and Poppy. They love it there and get to do all sorts of fun things. Sam’s voice is changing and he sounds like a man these days. A few days ago he called me at work and said “HI MOM” and it sounded really low. I tried to imitate him and tell him how he sounded – in my fake-not-really-even-close baritone voice. I called to see how they were doing in NC on my way home from work yesterday and when Sam answered he said “HI MOM” in his imitation of my imitation-fake-not-really-even-close baritone. Very cute. And it made me smile.
2. The people that were rehabbing the house next door suddenly moved out and stopped all progress. They are not the owners of the home but were rehabbing for the owner and there was a fight or something so they moved out. NO – that is not what made me happy. What DID make me happy is that they planted tomato plants this past spring on the side of the house right next to our house and as they were leaving, the guy said “Help yourself to the tomatoes!” but before he left, he took all the ripe ones off so I’ve been waiting. Wallah! Yesterday – SEVEN!!! YAY! HUGE SMILE!
3. Our new puppy Zeus is not a very good listener. He’s learning though and that’s a good thing, but he’s still a puppy inside and doesn’t like to do what he’s told. Normally after he’s done eating it takes a bit of yelling and shoving to get him back off the deck so we can close the gate. Yesterday, I just pointed and said firmly “OUT” – and he did it. Good boy! And I smiled.
4. Robbie has been working overtime. He is now scheduled to work 12-16 hour days until Friday. Which, granted, I hate not getting to spend the time together, but it will help us financially and that’s what makes me smile. Actually – my husband in general makes me smile.
5. So. Since Robbie is working late and since the kids are in North Carolina, I actually had a little time to myself yesterday to just be. I made my dinner, grabbed a lemonade and sat in front of the TV to watch a movie. Granted I probably should’ve been exercising or doing something more productive but that smile came in the form of a little down time.

I did have a sixth thing yesterday so I'll add a side bar here. Encouraging, positive e-mails from Bebe. It's nice to know I'm loved like that. Right back at ya Bebe. I hope you know that you are loved like that, too.

I think I’m finally getting back on the right track with God. He and I have had a lot of sorting and fixing. Well, obviously He doesn’t need to be fixed, but I do. And we’re finally working it out. And when you’re off track, even in the slightest bit, it makes the rest of your world seem off kilter. So here I am Lord – ready to get back in the saddle.

And what’s cool so far today – I’m already seeing moments as “smile moments” for tomorrow’s update. Don’t worry folks – I’m on it!