So…it’s been awhile. I find it really hard to post a blog when I’m down. I sometimes feel compelled to make an entry (hence my last one) but I’d prefer to wait until I feel better in my head and heart. I’m not sure why, maybe it would make me feel better if I just blogged through it. Or maybe I would just prefer to muddle through it in my own way by myself. Who knows – I’m just weird.

A lot has happened in the last week. A lot that really makes one look at the big picture and realize what is important. Robbie’s boss shot and killed himself last Friday. Very, very sad. Rob took it pretty hard, I think. More than he let on. I feel bad for the guy’s family and what he left behind. Two daughters and a wife. Many friends. I never got to meet him but it makes me so sad to think about it. Do they wonder if they could’ve helped him in any way? Do they wonder if they could’ve stopped it? What pushed him to that point? Did he not feel loved anymore? He brought tomatoes to Robbie on Wednesday because he knew I love tomatoes. I had a really hard time eating those tomatoes.

Anyway – a few weeks back Elizabeth anointed me with a blog award – an “I love you this much” Award. No, E – I didn’t forget. I’ve just been contemplating how to handle the fact that I only know three bloggy people. And the truth of the matter is, they all would deserve an “I love you this much” Award from me. And I know of a few others that would deserve it from me but do not keep a blog. Therefore, I – once again – am breaking the rules of the blogdom empire and I’m giving my awards to those I truly love, but not all have blogs.

First – Stef. My big sister. I love her truly. I feel over the last several years we’ve gotten closer than we’ve ever been and for that, I am truly grateful. Stef, you can post your award on your blog!

Second – Bebe. My other big sister. I love her truly, also. We finish each other’s sentences and think very much alike.

Third – Randy. My big brother. I love him truly, as well. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Randy will someday make his impact in this world and it will be huge!

I love all three of my siblings without boundaries. There are no words to express the sheer perpetuity of the love I have or how loved I feel from all three and it keeps me going. I love them all equally but differently, for they are all very different people.

Fourth – My parents. They have been the biggest blessing in my life that I can name. My biggest fans, my champions and my support system. They are the reason that Stef, Bebe, Randy and I are the people we are – which in my personal opinion – we are pretty awesome people. And there is no one else in this world that I would rather spend time with than my mom, my dad or my siblings.

Fifth – My husband. One of the most understanding, patient and kind people I have ever known. How he can put up with me some days, I have no idea. But he does, and he loves me. I have never been more secure in someone’s love (besides God of course) that wasn’t blood related to me. I truly, truly thank God for him every single day. Except those days when I want to pull off my shoe and throw it at him, but that would not be his fault. That would be me and my bad mood and I know that. Well, maybe sometimes it’s his fault, but rarely.

Sixth – and this is a grouping together – My friends. I have four friends whom I feel are TRUE friends. Friends that I can tell most anything to. Friends that, if need be, besides my sisters, I could call in the middle of the night with a terrible problem and they would do one of three things. A. Cry with me. B. Drive to me and hug me. C. Listen. Truly listen. None would be mad for me calling in the wee hours, none would hang up and all would be compassionate. Friends that know if they need to call me in the wee hours, they can. And I would do A, B o C or all three. Friends that rather than me calling them to bail me out of jail, they would be sitting next to me saying - dang, that was fun! They are Chris, Carrie, Elizabeth and Susan.

How very blessed I am.

So here it is! The I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH AWARD!!!