I am currently singing the theme to Misssion Impossible in my head...dunh dunh dunh, dunh da dunh dunh dunh. You know the one. And the reason is...well, hopefully it's not impossible, but I am A WOMAN ON A MISSION.

At the beginning of 2008, I decided I wanted to lose 100 pounds this year. Well, that was the assignment I apparently chose not to accept, because I'm down but only 12 pounds. Somehow I missed it by 88. Anyway, I have exactly one year until my 20th high school reunion. (Has it truly been THAT long??) So my assignment (should I chose to accept it) is to lose the 100 pounds by October 2009. That means I have to lose 8.33 pounds per month for the next year. And I am STOKED for it. I CAN DO THIS! I KNOW I can! I may have given up on a lot of dreams in my life but this is one I simply cannot let go and I will not let go.

So, watch out world. I have a mission and I AM ON IT!

To continue with my quotes, (mainly because I haven’t uploaded the great photo I want on here for Wordless Wednesday) I will add my most very favorite quote. Ever. Maybe because it sums up so nicely the way I feel most days.

"What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am." -Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Also, I made an award. And yes, I know my drawings are quite kindergarten, but the thought is what counts right?

So here it is – for however the recipients wish to post it.

To Stef and Bebe,

Someone asked me once if I had any friends to share
All my secrets, my joys and my grief
I explained I had all a girl could want
I have my sisters and they are all I need
~Catrina (aka Babe)

This is a quickie for now until I can post more later but I am soliciting thoughts on this...

Did anyone catch the world series game last night - or more in particular - the Patti Labelle rendition of our National Anthem? Tell me honestly if I'm the only one who thought she absolutely massacred it? I cannot stand it when singers try to make it have all those runs and notes that really do NOT belong in it. She didn't get the words right twice (Skylight instead of twilight and flight instead of fight). She has an incredible voice but man, I wanted to watch the annoying phone commercial instead of that.

OK, so I’ve done all this layout changing so I figured I’d better do an updated post, as well. Tell me how you like the new layout? Thank you to my buddy Carrie for the header image. I'm still working on placement. I'm a do-it-yourselfer html code kinda gal so forgive me if it takes a bit to get it right. Anyway, Very cool, I think. She was going for something that would remind my of my beloved place – The Lot and I think she did quite well. So tell me what you think. I think it’s cool, although I will miss the little Norman look-a-like on the right…

This week has been better than the last few. I’m still ready for this election to be over, though. I just want the right guy for the job, no matter what party, what color, what ever. It seems like people just go crazy every four years. I know the future of our country depends on which guy we choose but I also know – that no matter what – the winner will not be a surprise to God and He is ultimately in control of all of it. Yes, our economy is scary right now. But it’s not scary to God! I know not many people liked the last administration but honestly – he did a heckuva lot better job than I could’ve. And he took a lot of abuse a lot more gracefully than I would have. I would’ve thrown insults right back at all these people who think they know my job better than me. And to be honest again, no I’m not really any worse off that I was 8 years ago. Granted, I seem to be deeper in the hole that I was but the more I’ve thought about that, the more I realize it’s my own fault! I’m the one who bought a house 40 miles from my workplace. I’m the one who bought two new cars at the same time thereby gaining two new car payments when there were none, one a gas guzzling Dodge Hemi. I’m the one who refinanced my house raising my house payments by $300/ month and I’m the one who spends my money. Okay, my 401K sucks butt at the moment and I’ve lost over $2,000 more than I’ve put in it this year but it’s all relative. I only really lose money when I sell! And I don’t plan on pulling out anytime soon and I’m sure, eventually, it’ll all work out and I’ll be in the plus again. It always does. I’m just muddling through, trying to keep my head above water, which I’ve been doing since before I got married the first time in 1992. So yea, I may have a problem in June when the mortgage adjusts on my ARM but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I’m not going to steal worries from tomorrow when I have enough to worry about today. God knows what’s going on and God will take care of me, even if I have to live in a little two-story cabin in the woods.

I do have a lot better life than I did 8 years ago but that’s not due to anything government related – that’s Robbie related.

I am very, very sorry if I offend anyone. I’m not trying to do that at all! I’m just trying to make sense of it all in my own little head, which has a very hard time wrapping around all these big political ideas. Some days, I'm not so smart about some things.

This was not so much a fun blog. I probably should just keep my mouth shut next time.

So…it’s been awhile. I find it really hard to post a blog when I’m down. I sometimes feel compelled to make an entry (hence my last one) but I’d prefer to wait until I feel better in my head and heart. I’m not sure why, maybe it would make me feel better if I just blogged through it. Or maybe I would just prefer to muddle through it in my own way by myself. Who knows – I’m just weird.

A lot has happened in the last week. A lot that really makes one look at the big picture and realize what is important. Robbie’s boss shot and killed himself last Friday. Very, very sad. Rob took it pretty hard, I think. More than he let on. I feel bad for the guy’s family and what he left behind. Two daughters and a wife. Many friends. I never got to meet him but it makes me so sad to think about it. Do they wonder if they could’ve helped him in any way? Do they wonder if they could’ve stopped it? What pushed him to that point? Did he not feel loved anymore? He brought tomatoes to Robbie on Wednesday because he knew I love tomatoes. I had a really hard time eating those tomatoes.

Anyway – a few weeks back Elizabeth anointed me with a blog award – an “I love you this much” Award. No, E – I didn’t forget. I’ve just been contemplating how to handle the fact that I only know three bloggy people. And the truth of the matter is, they all would deserve an “I love you this much” Award from me. And I know of a few others that would deserve it from me but do not keep a blog. Therefore, I – once again – am breaking the rules of the blogdom empire and I’m giving my awards to those I truly love, but not all have blogs.

First – Stef. My big sister. I love her truly. I feel over the last several years we’ve gotten closer than we’ve ever been and for that, I am truly grateful. Stef, you can post your award on your blog!

Second – Bebe. My other big sister. I love her truly, also. We finish each other’s sentences and think very much alike.

Third – Randy. My big brother. I love him truly, as well. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, Randy will someday make his impact in this world and it will be huge!

I love all three of my siblings without boundaries. There are no words to express the sheer perpetuity of the love I have or how loved I feel from all three and it keeps me going. I love them all equally but differently, for they are all very different people.

Fourth – My parents. They have been the biggest blessing in my life that I can name. My biggest fans, my champions and my support system. They are the reason that Stef, Bebe, Randy and I are the people we are – which in my personal opinion – we are pretty awesome people. And there is no one else in this world that I would rather spend time with than my mom, my dad or my siblings.

Fifth – My husband. One of the most understanding, patient and kind people I have ever known. How he can put up with me some days, I have no idea. But he does, and he loves me. I have never been more secure in someone’s love (besides God of course) that wasn’t blood related to me. I truly, truly thank God for him every single day. Except those days when I want to pull off my shoe and throw it at him, but that would not be his fault. That would be me and my bad mood and I know that. Well, maybe sometimes it’s his fault, but rarely.

Sixth – and this is a grouping together – My friends. I have four friends whom I feel are TRUE friends. Friends that I can tell most anything to. Friends that, if need be, besides my sisters, I could call in the middle of the night with a terrible problem and they would do one of three things. A. Cry with me. B. Drive to me and hug me. C. Listen. Truly listen. None would be mad for me calling in the wee hours, none would hang up and all would be compassionate. Friends that know if they need to call me in the wee hours, they can. And I would do A, B o C or all three. Friends that rather than me calling them to bail me out of jail, they would be sitting next to me saying - dang, that was fun! They are Chris, Carrie, Elizabeth and Susan.

How very blessed I am.

So here it is! The I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH AWARD!!!

Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow. ~Romeo & Juliet, Shakespeare